All my life I have been a writer. I don’t know if it’s because I like to keep my thoughts to myself or if I had a hard time expressing my feelings and emotions since I could remember. It’s probably both if I am being honest. Ultimately, writing has always been an outlet for me. So when I was told that I would be writing a blog almost every month, I was excited. Until I realized that it was going to require me to be uncomfortable.
You see, my writings have always been between me and the Lord. I never thought that someone else would want to hear my thoughts. And honestly, a lot of my writing came from deep within me. These were thoughts that I didn’t want anyone else to know. Thoughts reserved only for my King. Thoughts and emotions I didn’t even know I felt until it was written on paper, through tears and blurry vision.
Writing for the public eye terrifies me. But one thing I know for a fact and something I believe with every fiber in me… God doesn’t call us to comfortability. It’s okay to be terrified. But it’s WHAT you do with that feeling of uncertainty that matters.
So here I am. Writing in the most vulnerable way I can think of because maybe this blog post will help someone. Or maybe it’ll let people get to know me. But ultimately, I’m being vulnerable with you because I want to be like Jesus. And He was the most vulnerable man in history.
And honestly, I want to bow in obedience to Jesus. That’s how this whole World Race thing began. But what I am learning is that right where obedience starts, vulnerability comes rushing in. And half the time, I don’t want to be open. I’m learning more than ever that I have a huge problem with letting people in. I don’t let it happen usually unless it’s dragged out of me. But what if Jesus was like that? Every day I have to say yes to Jesus and die to myself. And that includes my vulnerability.
So because I have chosen to obey the Lord and open up to vulnerability, I have learned that my blogs may not look like everyone else’s. Actually, I know that for a fact my writings will be completely different than others, because this is who I am. I have NEVER fit in. For starters, I am 5 foot exactly, I have 2 rods and 8 screws in my back, and I have no problem shaving one of my eyebrows because someone dared me to (aka I could care less about looking like a fool.)
And when I began to think these things through, I realized that the Lord doesn’t want me fitting in because He made me who I am. And I need to learn to love who He has made me to be. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about the church and how it is one body and has many members. In verses 14-17, it says that every part of the human body has a specific job. It would be odd if the ear began to say that it wanted to see things when that is not the job God intended it for. God DESIGNED the ear to hear, not to see. As well as if the ear began to say ‘I am not an eye, I do not belong in the body.’ If every part of the body was an eye, we could not hear (or do much of anything else except see.) But in verse 18 Paul says, “As it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as He chose.”
I have read this chapter multiple times in my life, and recently it has just hit me. GOD DESIGNED ME. Not only that, but He designed me a SPECIFIC way for a SPECIFIC purpose. And only I can do that purpose through Christ. Yes, there are PLENTY of things are struggle with. For example, I compare myself to others a lot. I wish I had their personality, athletic ability, or musical talents. But as my boss always says: Comparison is the DEATH of contentment. And frankly, comparison is a sin. James 3:16 says, ‘For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.’ I do not want disorder or vile practice in my life. Jealousy, if you have ever been, is one of the worst feelings in the world. And in order to fight it, I have to know who I am in Christ and to be content in who He has made me to be. If I seek approval from the Lord, then I will be content. In Galatians 1:10, Paul says I may as well not be a servant of Christ if I seek approval of men. Cause seeking for approval from people is ultimately what I am doing when I am comparing myself to others. I am worried about what people think of me and I am not thinking about who Christ has made me to be.
Therefore, I stand today, proud of who God is molding me to be. Because I have strengths that only I can give to the body of Christ. Yet, I also have weaknesses that the Lord can only shine through and show His greatness.
Thank You Jesus for You grace and mercy that are new every morning!
