To be honest, I started to write this blog with a horrible point. I was angry and I wanted lash out on the Church, forgetting that I am part of the Church. My boasting was far too self focused and thankfully, I had a couple good friends that encouraged me to sleep on it and then think about whether posting my words on the internet for the entire population of America to see was a good idea or not.
With that being said, I had a good night of sleep and two cups of coffee today and I can officially say that my emotions were getting the best of me. So instead of bashing the Church and yelling at people who have aggravated me, the Lord has provided me with completely different words and passions today (can I get an amen??)
I want to share with you all something wild, freeing, and beautiful. I have been meaning to write about this for some time but I didn’t really know how to put words with it. Recently, as you know, I have gone through a traumatic moment in my life… actually more than one.
I find it interesting how people say every New Year:
2018 was the worst year!! 2019, this year, is going to be MY year!!
I used to have this mentality. But when last month happened, I found myself leaving the Race for a couple weeks for a family emergency.
Quickly, I began to fear that 2019 was NOT my year already.
But think about something… as a believer in the One True God… I will NEVER have a year that’s my year. Persecution is promised for us. Whether that’s being rejected by people, being bullied at school, losing loved ones, or having anxiety.
Life for the believer is NOT easy.
But I promise, readers, that people are watching how believers react in times of trial. Do they act differently when parents’ divorce or they get Lyme disease or when the church gossips about them?
We need to stop complaining when things don’t go our way. Instead, we should rejoice that things are NOT perfect… because it confirms that our King is real and Heaven is coming.
It makes a statement to unbelievers when your mom dies from cancer, when your anxiety and depression starts pressing in, when you lost your ability to walk, or when your significant other breaks up with you, all in the same year, and yet you proclaim the joy of the Lord is your strength!
2019 is not my perfect year. Far from it. But, wow, it is my year where my life has turned upside down completely and I can proclaim God is good better than ever.
Isaiah 61 has quickly become one of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible. You should definitely check it out.
The song by Michael W. Smith Surrounded is based off of this chapter. The whole song is this:
This is how I fight my battles
It may look like I’m surrounded,
But I’m surrounded by You.
Before Smith sings this song, he mentions Isaiah 61:3 by saying “The Word says, in the Spirit of heaviness, put on the garment of praise.”
These words hold so much truth when trials happen.
Like I said, I had to go back home for a family emergency. I must save the details due to security reasons, but I feared that my brother was going to see Jesus on April 18th.
Before I left, my team asked me what I needed (bless them.)
I looked at my teammates and just said “Let’s worship.”
For the next hour, my team and I worshiped, wept, and sang praises to God, declaring that if He decided to send my brother home, we would praise His Name even so.
But, wow, readers. I have never begged God for someone so much in my entire life. To the point of saying over and over again:
Oh God, my God!! Hear your servant’s cry!! Do not take the life of my brother!!!
I have never heard myself talk like David in Psalms more in my life. I have never wept like this before.
My team was with me the entire time. They watched as a very optimistic, rarely upset, and confident woman, wept on her knees. Not giving an absolute care about showing weakness towards people. My team didn’t stare at me. They didn’t walk out of the room, awkwardly. They didn’t try to tell me how I should be feeling. No.
These girls JOINED me. They wept. They praised the name of the Lord. They prayed, unceasingly, to a God that does miracles.
These women have been my rock the past two months.
And in Isaiah 61, I finally understood what it meant to praise the name of the Lord in times of battle. There have been few moments in my life when I am at a loss of words and this was one of them.
And I experienced Isaiah 61:3 personally in the past month.
2 Chronicles 20 is also a story in the Bible I have become very fond of because of how Jehoshaphat responded to fear.
His response was to sing the Name of the Lord even though they were fearful of being destroyed in battle.
Spiritual warfare should be carried out by the singing of who God is. Singing and praising the Name of the Lord is a spiritual weapon we must use to fight Satan and the things he does to thwart us.
I have NOTHING, readers. I didn’t expect so much of my life to be turned upside down. I have lost more friends than I can count. I have had relationship after relationship pass through my fingers. I have possessed so much joy and the next moment, I have been more angry than I have in years. I have lived with just a backpack and the same 5 shirts and SOMETIMES I JUST WANT A HOT SHOWER.
When life hits us and there is NOTHING we can do or say… as believers we MUST raise a hallelujah.
Over and over again I will sing hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. I believe this more than ever. There is nothing in this world that I want. When someone you love is at death’s door, your weapon becomes a melody.
I’ll leave you with this song by Bethal Music:
I raise a hallelujah, in the presence of my enemies
I raise a hallelujah, louder than the unbelief
I raise a hallelujah, my weapon is a melody
I raise a hallelujah, heaven comes to fight for me
I’m gonna sing, in the middle of the storm
Louder and louder, you’re gonna hear my praises roar
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!
I encourage you to sing this melody from the depths of your soul. When you find yourself in complete despair and you have nothing… remember you, as a believer, have hope in the One Who fights FOR us.
In honor of my brother, here are his words:
Our lives for His honor. Hail to the King!
