W I L D, yet F R E E.

I have always enjoyed New Years Eve more than Christmas. And that’s not to say that the birth of our Savior doesn’t matter to me. PLEASE do not think that’s what I am saying. But with Christmas, people bring so much emotion into it… as in being in a relationship. You know what I am talking about… the couples that put up Christmas decorations together, make cookies, drink hot chocolate in front of a fire while they cuddle, have cute snowball fights (which if I’m being honest… how are they cute?? If you have a real snowball fight there is not cuteness…), or give each other gifts. It’s nice… but that honestly makes me every year feel so low. Yes, I desire that one day but it’s hard to enjoy being single when things like that happen.

 

But New Years… that’s honestly a time that I thrive. Every year, I have processed the past 12 months and thought what good things happened, what not so good things happened, what God did, and what prayers He answered. It’s a time I get to DREAM. Dream about what the next year holds in front of me. What new friends I’ll make, where I will travel to, and where I will settle for a time. It brings so so so much excitement.

 

Looking back on this past year… wow have I have been through the ring of fire. I’ll spare all the stories but the coolest thing is that I have discovered who I am in Christ. I have discovered what His love looks like. I have discovered that He has given me passions in my life that He LOVES to ignite. Y’all… we are so so so loved by God! And I am so excited that I GET to end this year with the knowledge of His love and His acceptance of me!

 

Believe me, there were and still will be times that I doubt He loves me. I will ask these questions: God why are You doing this?? I thought You loved me?? I thought You were FOR me?? But ohmyword… He IS for us! I can’t imagine if God WAS against me. Life would be A LOT worse than in my darkest moments. And I am so so so grateful that He is for us. He is for me.

 

Wow, friends. God has been so good to me. I have learned more about the Lord in the uncomfortable. I encourage all of you to process your year and see the good that God has done. Let me share a few of my points from this year:

 

Woodlands

1. Through Woodlands, God taught me the meaning of leadership: stepping behind or walking beside people and pushing them forward towards the goal/Christ.

2. I learned how to forgive people who had hurt me YEARS ago.

3. I learned that community is incredibly hard but so important in my walk with Christ

4. God has given me a passion for counseling and discipling young women who have been hurt by people, who are listening to lies and pointing them to truth, and who just need someone to cry with.

5. God showed me that I can trust men in leadership

6. It is possible to love Jesus and have fun

 

World Race

1. Sometimes people learn more about the character of Christ when they are shown grace and love than through condemnation and judgement. It’s not our place to put that condemnation on them.

2. People worship in so many different ways and if I am finding myself more distracted than encouraged by how they worship the King, then I need to get over myself

3. I need to CHOOSE my friends and teammates every day

4. Love DOES things. It doesn’t just SAY things.

5. I have learned the importance in accepting the gifts God has given me and using them for His glory

6. Surrendering things daily is vital

7. Sitting in my brokenness and processing it is important for healing.

8. I have learned the importance in sitting with people who cannot communicate but being present is a gift

9. I have learned to not be afraid of who I am and embracing the qualities the Lord has given me.

 

2018 has been one of the hardest years of my life. But I made it. Sometimes that’s all someone can say. But I have truly discovered the road towards healing and forgiveness. Never in my life did I think I would be where I am now.

 

In 2018, I have been gossiped about and misinterpreted. I have led people and fallen in love with it. I learned how to make slushies and ice cream for thousands of kids. I cleaned every building at Woodlands, at least 6 times. I have finished interning at Woodlands. I have counseled and heard stories that made my ears bleed. I have been the villain in a skit at Woodlands. I have learned the church clap dance to a T. I have watched the Greatest Showman many times. I have been in a long distance relationship. I have left my friends and family for an entire year. I have had my broken prayed over and in that instant it stopped hurting. I have lived out of  backpack for 3 months. I have learned how to sit in my brokenness after that long distance relationship failed. I have fallen on my face before the Holy Spirit. I have learned how to live with the same 4 people for 3 months. I have also learned how to live with 37 people. I have learned how to speak a little Spanish. I have learned how to communicate love through my actions and not words. I have learned how to sit with disabled adults for hours and how to see them like Jesus does. I have learned how to survive on a 24+ hour bus ride and how to cross a border with 37 people. I have learned the meaning of life is ministry and ministry is life. I have taught English. I have sat in the back of a truck on the interstate. I have discovered the meaning of WILD and how to never regret being that way. I have learned that my favorite moments of the day are at 5am. I have discovered the passions of my heart and I have begun to embrace them.

 

Wow. 2018 you have been a rollercoaster. But through all your heartbreak, I wouldn’t trade your lessons for the world. Because it has brought me to this point. Through 2018, God has taught me how to love people better, honor my authority, and serve people in miraculous ways.

 

Peace out, 2018.

 

2019, it’s a about to be a W I L D, yet F R E E one.