5am Appointments

Does anyone else feel like there is so much going on in your brain that it’s almost impossible to write it all down?? So you just stare at the wall, trying to decipher which feeling you wanna write about… because you’re fearful that your words will not do justice for what the Lord is teaching me.

Romans 8:26-27 says “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

So I am going to rely on the Holy Spirit to write this blog because I feel so weak in my bones. But the beautiful part?? I’m learning to be okay with showing my brokenness, my scars, and the ugly parts.

I have been reading Seth Barnes book called The Art of Listening Prayer and it is honestly transforming my relationship with God. Every morning, my alarm goes off at 5am. I have found that this is the only time in my house of 37 people I can find peace and quiet. When I get out into the kitchen, I turn on the pot (more like a crock pot) for coffee and I open my journal to hear what the Holy Spirit wants to say.

This has become the most beautiful part of my day. To just sit with coffee, instrumental music, and the Holy Spirit. The funny thing?? Back in Belize, I was brainstorming titles for blogs and the Holy Spirit whispered “5am” to me. Unsure what that meant, I continued to sleep in. But here in Honduras, my body began waking me up at 5am without an alarm. I am quickly realizing that 5am is a gift to me. It’s the time that I get to just sit with the presence of God and ask Him any questions I want. Some questions He answers and others have yet to be answered. But my heart skips a beat everytime 5am comes around because I know that the Holy Spirit is waiting for me to speak. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? When you know someone is waiting excitingly to speak to you… it makes you feel known and cherished. That’s exactly what the Spirit does to me. And every day I get to ask “Okay, what do You wanna do today??”

As I was saying, I am reading The Art of Listening Prayer and the chapters are so heavy I have to take it day by day. Today, I was reading a chapter called The Role of the Holy Spirit. And honestly, it’s radically changing my life. I am NOT the same person I was when I stepped foot in Central America. The number one reason: The Holy Spirit.

Let me share just a couple of reasons why:

1. I used to be very upset when I would hear about miracles and didn’t see them myself. Then I realized that I was not acting in obedience in the small things. When the Holy Spirit tells me to dance in the rain, I gotta do it. When He tells me to go talk to the street kid, I gotta do it. When He asks me to be still, I gotta do it. When He asks me to write a blog for the world to see, I gotta do it. And when I do obey, He shows Himself in the bigger things.

2. I have surrendered everything I own. True surrender is giving up something when you LOVE it and not understanding WHY but you do it anyway because He asks you “Do you love me more than these??”

3. My worship has changed completely. I sing my own song to the Lord. I write things I never knew I felt. I find myself saying over and over “Take it all. Make new wine out of me.” I find myself on my knees, not caring about anything except the presence of my God.

4. I have given my emotions and feelings completely the Lord, not caring if they make me look “weak” or “emotional.” Don’t be surprised if you see tears flowing down my cheeks at 5am because He is THAT GOOD.

All of this leads me to one question: Why is the church forgetting to mention the Holy Spirit??

We talk about the Spirit as if He leaves and we have to sing in order for Him to come back. We talk about the Holy Spirit as if He just whispers conviction. We speak about the Holy Spirit as if He is just “in us” and that’s it.

Are we scared to talk about the Holy Spirit because things get emotional when He is moving??

Today is the first time in my life that I actually prayed to the Holy Spirit. I was acting like the only way to communicate to Him was through a prayer towards the Father or the Son. Y’all the Holy Spirit is HERE. He is in us. And we need to take advantage of that.

In John 16:7 it says “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: It is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you.”

What is this implying?? Not that the Holy Spirit is greater than Jesus. Not at all. But showing that our faith is to be made stronger through the Holy Spirit because we cannot SEE Him. Also, that the Holy Spirit is JUST as GOOD as Jesus. Oh how He moves. And how beautifully He works through us and in us.

It’s only the beginning of this journey. He has wrecked me in the most beautiful and painful ways. I am not about to say surrendering my all the Holy Spirit is painless and makes me happy all the time. I find myself tearing up due to my pain because surrendering everything hurts.

My 5am appointments with the Lord are transforming my life.

Brokenness is the price for freedom. Brokenness is the price for HIS freedom. I have never felt so free and broken in my entire life. And THAT is something I don’t ever want to give up.